Well, I have a list of things I learned from having a child and "advice" that people gave that was never followed so here goes:
- If your mother-in-law keeps telling you about all her labors and it sounds like a horror story (like Chris's mom did to me... she had 5 kids and she's a chicken with pain)... tell her to shut up. Block it from your mind. Every labor is different. My mom managed to have me and my brother without drugs, Chris's mom was drugged every time. Me? I was given a freaking epidural (which I wanted) but they didn't bother to see how dilated I was first... yea. 8cm. Tristan was born before the crap even affected me. That reminds me... nurses pull that crap on you and you end up having a really bad labor (Tristan's shoulder got stuck leading me to get cut and involved nurses pushing down on my stomach while I pushed to get him out... not fun)? yell at them. I'd say shoot them but that's apparently against the law.
- Pre-natal vitamins... yea NOT every pregnant chicks favorite thing esp. when you have killer morning sickness. My OB told me to take children's vitamins and then I took whatever extra stuff wasn't in them in separate pills. Saved me from puking every time I took them.
- When your boyfriend/ fiance/ husband tells you NOT to move that huge, pre-historic aged computer from 1 of the bedrooms to the closet when you're like 3 months pregnant... you should listen.
- If you're worried about being overwhelmed at the hospital with people visiting, tell everyone to stay away til you go home.
- Breastfeeding: ok if you're having problems with it at the hospital, ignore the nurses and ask to speak with a lactation consultant. They understand better what's going on with you. Don't stress out. Some babies take a little while to get the hang of it (Tristan took 23hrs).
- Your baby doesn't HAVE to nurse every 2-3hrs at night. If it's been 3hrs since their last feeding and they're still fast asleep, let them sleep. They're not gonna starve. They'll wake up when they're hungry trust me.
- I know it's scary to think about moving your baby to their own room when they get bigger BUT trust me it is so nice. Tristan could sleep with noise but with a dad who was playing WoW next to his bassinet and had loud people talking through the computer and a loud dad... he slept much better in his own room.
- If you end up not being able to nurse, don't feel bad. You're not any less of a woman or mom for it. My mom formula fed me and my brother because she didn't make enough for us. I had to stop nursing Tristan at 2 months. I had a sinus infection and the meds they gave me wouldn't let me nurse for 5 days. After those 5 days of pumping and dumping milk and giving him formula, when we tried nursing again when it was safe, I tried for a week but he didn't want to work for it anymore. He latched and slightly sucked but not enough to get anything. Also that 12 total days of only pumping really... really decreased my supply.
- You don't HAVE to wait til your child is 6 months old to start solids. I went with my mom on this one. Tristan was a piggy. We were going through so much formula so at 4 months he was on cereal which he LOVED. He's 2yrs old now... and perfectly normal (they even say his height and weight now is average and in the 50 percentile which is hard to believe since this kid is about the height of the 3yr olds I see lol). Follow your child's cues.
- You are not a bad mom if you're feeding your child jarred baby food instead of homemade. I did both. Sometimes you are just too busy to make it yourself esp. when you're out and about.
- You are not a bad mom if you use disposable diapers instead of cloth. It needs to fit your lifestyle and you. I was told by Chris's mom that cloth diapering was so nice and they have a service that cleans them for you all that stuff... those prices weren't worth it. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of cloth diapering and plan to try it next time around since I really didn't do my research til after Tristan was born and by then, it was hard to get the extra money for them. Also, I read an article (actually searched all over to find the magazine so I could mention it) in New Parent magazine that explains the debate between cloth and disposable diapers. It made me feel a little better though I'd be super happy if Tristan was in underwear hahaha. Click here to go to the article online (yep, totally looked it up).
- Your life is not over once you give birth. It might be put on hold for those 6 weeks or so of feeling like your gonna die from blood loss. Which let me tell you there's a whole difference between those 6 weeks and actually having a period that long. Trust me, it could be worse. But you can still have a social life. I took Tristan everywhere with me. His first long car ride was when he was 6 months old, first plane ride was 7 months. Taking your child with when they're young will start showing them how to socialize with others. Tristan was a flirt by 4 months... yep he's grandpa's boy. He was always watching people and smiling.
- Ignore baby clothes sizes when it comes to weight. Go by your child. Tristan was 8lbs 14oz at birth and fit in premie clothes. Umm huh? Yep. Now he fits in 3t with a size 24 months/ 2t waist. Go figure.
And I wanted to add a special part to prepare you for toddlerhood because yea... things can get crazy:
- Tantrums: It is ok to stick your child in their room when they won't stop screaming and hide in the bathroom for 5 min to calm down. If their not hurt, they'll be ok for 5 min and you'll be glad you did it because it'll keep you from going nuts, like crazy house nuts.
- If you're toddler still isn't talking when they should be, it's ok. All kids are different.
- No your child does not need a million different toys. Get a few types that you know he/she likes. For example: Tristan is anything with wheels (cars, trains, etc) and blocks. Those are what he has tons of.
- Don't freak out if you really don't want to have a big party for your kid or if you want to avoid it all together. Unless you have a lot of family/ friends that would be coming, it's hard to all that work when no one will be there. Tristan had 2 1st birthday parties. 1 for family and only 3 people showed up and 1 for friends and more people showed but I think we should have just done a dinner with family and hang out with my best friend and her kids during the day. For his 2nd birthday, he opened his gift from us and my grandma here and then went to Chris's dad and stepmom's house and ate dinner, ate cake, hung out, and Tristan opened his gift from them.
So in conclusion, don't sweat the small stuff, tell your mother-in-law and sometimes your mom to shut up, don't kill the nurses, every child is different, enjoy the moments worth enjoying, take a nice long bath when your baby is sleeping, relax, the world isn't ending, it's all going to be ok in the end.
